Welcome to Class 81 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.
I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.
Today, we will begin our study, “ON REMAINING A VIRGIN UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED” (Letter Twenty-Five).
— First, Let’s Pray —
Allow me to begin with a quote. It states: “A beautiful woman delights the eye; a wise woman, the understanding; a pure one, the soul.”
Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:
Dear Daughters & YBW:
You cannot lose by remaining a virgin until you are happily married to that special someone. Virgins always WIN!
It is not fair, but in the minds of most men, when a young lady loses her virginity before marriage, she loses something very valuable. In their minds, her value goes down; but strangely, when a man loses his virginity, his stock goes up, not only in the minds of the fellows, but also in the minds of many women as well. This may not be fair, but oftentimes it is true.
Most men have real problems in their heads if their woman has been with another man sexually. You may call it insecurity, or whatever, but it is a reality. I believe it stems from the fact that God is a jealous God, and God made man in His image; thus man has some good jealousy in him. In my own case, I don’t know where it came from, but even though I was not a virgin, I knew I couldn’t marry a woman who was not a virgin. When God showed me I needed to get married, I literally traveled the world to find a Christian woman who was a virgin. Out of the nine women who I had dated over the course of two years, only one was able to say she was a virgin — Daughters, I married that woman, and she is your mother. And the proof of her virginity was on the sheets on our wedding night when we consummated our marriage. You can call that whatever you want; you can call it unfair, you can call it insecurity, you can call it out-of-control jealousy, but the truth of the matter is, like most men, I just did not want to have in my mind that what my wife is doing with me now, sexually, she had done with another man. Now today, most men will not have the guts to tell you what I just told you because it is not cool for a man to have jealousy for his wife. Even though it is not cool in our society today, any man who loves his wife, or wife to be, will be jealous over her. And you should know this, YBW, since, deep down, every woman wants her husband to have some jealousy for her as proof of his love, as long as it is not crazy jealousy.
As I indicated earlier, many men will not be as bold as I was, and actually ask the young woman if she is a virgin. Today that is not cool. But trust me, when he is thinking about marriage, that is at the forefront of his mind. Strangely, more than the woman, the man wants to know where you have been, who you have been with, and what you did. Now, if he does not love you and care for you, and he just wants to use you for sex, then he will not care whether you are a virgin or not. Remember, as I said earlier, most men today do not have the guts to ask a young lady what is really on his mind. But just because he is afraid to ask does not mean it is not on his mind. Remain a virgin until you are married, so that this will never be an issue with you and your future husband because this will indeed come up. If the young man does not have the guts to ask you before marriage, when the heat is on in the marriage, it is going to come up. While you and your husband are out at the mall or at the grocery store, he’s going to have a hard time dealing with meeting one of your old boyfriends with whom he knows you have had sex.
Sister, the world will tell you differently. It will tell you that it is okay to try other men out before you settle down. However, God’s Word is true and is the best way for you to go. Notice the following verses:
“But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.” —I Corinthians 7:28
“There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” —I Corinthians 7:34
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” —I Corinthians 6:18
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” —I Corinthians 7:1-2
In her book, Battlefield of the Mind, Joyce Meyer shares the following, “The mind is the leader or forerunner of all actions. Romans 5:8 makes it clear: ‘For those who are according to the flesh are controlled by it’s unholy desires set their minds on and pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.’ Our actions are a direct result of our thoughts. If we have a negative mind, we will have a negative life. If, on the other hand, we renew our mind according to God’s Word, we will, as Romans 12:2 promises, prove out in our experience “the good and acceptable and perfect will of God” for our lives. The mind is the battlefield. It is a vital necessity that we line up our thoughts with God’s thoughts. This is a process that will take time and study. Don’t ever give up, because little by little you are changing. The more you change your mind for the better, the more your life will also change for the better. When you begin to see God’s good plan for you in your thinking, you will begin to walk in it.”
Young ladies, this important matter of having a strong mind whose thoughts are aligned with God’s Word instead of dictated by the world touches every area of your life because your actions are the direct result of your thoughts. If you think and believe it is inconsequential to give yourself away before marriage by having sex, then you will do so. If you think and believe the opposite, then you will adhere to that conviction and refuse to do so. Dismiss what you may personally think about staying pure sexually until you are within the bonds of marriage, reject the ideas that the world, worldly family members and friends are putting in your head about the subject, and choose to adopt what scripture says.
In the next class, we will continue our study, “ON REMAINING A VIRGIN UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED.”
Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then especially, in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.
First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.
Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.
God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.