Welcome to Class 83 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.
I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.
Today, we will begin our study, “NOT GIVING IN: MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE by Joslyn Neblett” (Letter Twenty-Six).
— First, Let’s Pray —
Allow me to begin with a quote from Richard and Sharon Phillips. They said: “In the right setting – that is marriage – sex is a wonderful gift from God. Sex is given for our good. But God gave sex to be the servant of love and never the slave of lust. God intends for love to express itself in the commitment of marriage, and only then for intimacy to unite us in the joys of sexual love. …In today’s society, intimacy means practically nothing more than having sex. Couples meet and immediately begin enjoying sexual intercourse, committing either to immoral hedonism or to the idea that sex will serve as the foundation for love. This goes a long way toward explaining why so many marriages, built on no stronger foundation than sexual thrills, end in divorce soon after the flames of passion have died down.”
Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:
Dear Daughters and YBW:
I trust that you are growing in the Lord.
Today, I am going to let a remarkable young lady, by the name of Joslyn Neblett share her heart with you about standing for what is right when everybody and everything is telling you to do wrong. Joslyn Neblett works on staff at a university, in the Student Life Department. She has a Bachelor’s degree and is pursuing her Master’s degree. I chose Joslyn Neblett to write this letter in my book because after meeting her, I realized that I had never met a young lady who exemplifies the spirit of Christ more than Joslyn Neblett. I know that she will be a blessing to you. Please read what she has to share with you. Take it away Joslyn and God bless you.
Nowadays, too many young black women are finding themselves contemplating or participating in the act of pre-marital sex. Think twice before permitting your emotions to arouse your actions. In spite of your unconsciousness, this will result in your avoiding a mistake of a lifetime.
To be honest, for many men taking a woman’s virginity and leaving her heartbroken is just a game of cat and mouse. Some women have learned this the hard way. Do not allow yourself to be placed in this situation because you will become bitter and remorseful. Your virginity is sacred; it’s also something that you can never get back. Guard it as if your life depended on it. Below I would like to share with you my first encounter. Although personal, I feel compelled to share this with you in hopes that this will help you do the smart and wise thing, and to keep your virginity.
My mother had me out of wedlock and at an early age. I was determined to break this generational curse. Being that I was the oldest of six children, this is one of many curses that skipped me. God and I made a pact that I would wait until I got married, something that I prayed about to Him quite often.
I got involved with a young man who I felt was Mr. Right. Of course, he turned out not to be that at all. Our relationship was great, at least until he got that itch—you know…sex. (This is the part in a relationship in which a man will show you his true colors.) He tried to persuade me to take it to the next level. In fact, one night at dinner amongst our friends and one of my relatives, I became the subject of our conversation. He relayed to my cousin that I was afraid. I explained, “It wasn’t that I was afraid. I knew what I had been taught and I did not want to mess up my life. I knew the risks involved.” Well, she tried to persuade me to go ahead and give in. I didn’t feel comfortable about this at all, so I stood my ground. He called himself teaching me a lesson, I suppose, because after dinner he had my best friend’s boyfriend to take him home. I went over to his house to talk shortly afterwards. Although I did not express it to anyone, I had a slight change of heart. Still not comfortable with the idea of giving myself to him, I began praying. Upon arriving at his house, I saw another female present.
The situation was very awkward and I was quite suspicious. Despite the fact that he was in his boxers, he conveyed to me that nothing happened and that he was about to go to bed when she stopped by. Besides, she was pregnant and was supposedly looking for her boyfriend, who was a friend of his. I had mixed emotions—excited that God saved me from making a horrible mistake in the following two ways: (1) this young lady being over to his house; and (2) my menstrual cycle began, which was very off schedule. I saw both as being signs of God’s intervention. Although heart-broken, there was still this small amount of joy I had on the inside.
This young man and I parted ways. Our paths crossed one year later. He apologized for hurting me, but still insisted nothing happened. I forgave him. He also commended me on being such a strong woman, taking a stand for what I knew to be right. He suggested that we should try being more than friends, but I declined. Even though we lost touch we remain friends today.
There is nothing like your self-respect. Ladies, when you respect yourself you must demand others to do the same. Never let anyone encourage you to do something that you’re not comfortable doing. If your significant other truly cares for you, then he will respect your wishes. And if he chooses not to wait, then you know that he is not the man that God has for you.
In addition, strengthen your relationship with God. If you do not already have a relationship with God, then consider doing so, because even when you are not thinking rationally, He’s always sane.
P.T. (Power Thoughts):
“Being virtuous is no feat once temptation ceases.” —Arnold Glasow
BIBLE GEM: “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” —Psalm 37:5
TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, I pray that you would give me the grace to not give in to the pressures that the world may try to put on me. Help me to stay pure and to love You with all my heart. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen
BOOK: The Best Sex of My Life, by Lindsay Marsh
CHECK IT OUT: http://www.iamworththewait.com
Young ladies, let Mrs. Joslyn Neblett’s personal testimony encourage you to be honest with yourself and with the Lord about any compromising situations you have been in with your boyfriend, etc. Thank the Lord for any protection He gave you in spite of the bad decision(s) you may have made and then make a personal commitment not to lead yourself into temptation by putting yourself in sexually compromising situations again.
Let’s return to Richard and Sharon Phillips’ book, Holding Hands and Holding Hearts. They write: “One of the reasons why so many fall into sexual sin – bringing guilt into the relationship and short-circuiting its emotional and spiritual growth – is that they place themselves in tempting situations. This is simply foolish, and Christian men and women who are realistic about sexual temptation will not put themselves in a position to fall. …Sexual sin will damage and often ruin a promising relationship. It stops the development of emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy. …A Christian man who takes the lead in sexual purity, and who tells the woman that her heart means more to him than her body, and her purity is more valuable to him than his own pleasure, liberates her from a cruel bondage and gives her a blessing that words can hardly describe.”
Furthermore, consider the following from Sam Storms of Enjoying God Ministries: “Premarital sex defrauds the future marriage partner of the person with whom you are involved. You are robbing that person of the virginity and single-minded intimacy that ought to be brought into a marriage. Thus, sexual impurity is as much a social injustice against others as it is a personal sin against God. …Most of us hear the word ‘will’ and instinctively envision a celestial frown. The phrase ‘will of God’ often conjures up the mental impression of an inflexible and colorless lawgiver whose sole concern is for his own reputation. But when I hear Paul speak of God’s ‘will’ for human sexuality I think of his heart’s desire, his yearning, his fatherly passion for our maximum enjoyment of one of his most precious gifts. I hear God saying, ‘This is what I long for you to experience as a sexual being. I made you. I put those sexual impulses in your spirit and in your body. I created hormones. Trust me when I say that I know far better than you what will bring the greatest joy and optimum pleasure.’ The point is simply that God’s ‘will’ for you and me is always an expression of his love.”
1 John 5:3-4 states, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.” As a child of God, a daughter of the King above all kings who has a place reserved for her in Heaven, you have great power to be victorious in this area of your life by overcoming worldly ideology, instead resisting the temptation to stir up sexual arousal and succumb to sexual intercourse outside the bonds of marriage. Why should you spend the rest of your life bearing the weight of guilt and shame having cheated yourself, the future marriage partner of the person you may be with now, and your future marriage partner of God’s best for you all? Remember, “His commandments are not grievous.” They are given for our good. If you truly desire to be married one day, pray and trust God for a male partner who insists upon sexual purity while dating, and one who values your heart, mind and soul more than your hips, tips and lips and your purity more than his own pleasure. Also, be sure to carry yourself in a godly fashion that will aid in attracting this type of man. If you do not truly yearn for marriage, then plan for a life devoted to sexual purity out of honor for God.
In the next class, we will begin our study, “IF YOU DESIRE TO GET MARRIED, HERE IS HOW TO GET A GOOD MAN”
Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then especially, in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.
First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.
Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.
God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.