Class 90 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women

Welcome to Class 90 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.

I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.

Today, we will continue our study, “HOW TO WIN AT RELATIONSHIPS (AND NEVER GET HURT)” (Letter Thirty-Two).

— First, Let’s Pray —

Allow me to begin with a quote from Henri Bergson. He said: “Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought.”

Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:

——————–

Dear Daughters and YBW:

I trust that God is speaking to your heart through these letters. Today, I am writing to you about how to win at relationships and never get hurt. It never ceases to amaze me how many young ladies walk around with broken hearts and broken lives. I really believe that this does not have to be the case. I believe young ladies don’t have to walk around with their heads down, full of shame and guilt, depressed, bitter and full of negative attitudes toward every black man they see. I believe young women can be happy, cheerful, and victorious if they would simply apply the following in regard to relationships:

1. Don’t have many relationships in the first place. You don’t need to have fifteen boyfriends before you get married. Rachel in the Bible only had one, and she married him.

2. Never give a man your eyes; never give a man your heart; never give a man your body before you are married. I like the title of Big Boom’s new book, which is: If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs. You see, young ladies, it is very simple: if you don’t give a man anything, he has nothing over you, and you won’t get hurt. Now, he may be hurt that you didn’t let him have his way, but you can walk away with a smile on your face, a pep in your step, and a song on your lips.

3. Pray and meditate on the Bible. As I have said elsewhere in this book, “If you do the right thing, you will always be in the right place at the right time.” I like the umbrella illustration that Bill Gothard uses regarding the protection of God. If you obey the Word of God, you are under God’s umbrella of protection. If you don’t obey the Word of God, it’s going to rain on you.

4. Keep a strong relationship with your parents and siblings if you can. These relationships alone will keep you so busy that you will not have time to get into a relationship that is going to hurt you. The same thing goes for your church family. Find a good, Bible-believing, Christ-honoring church, and be faithful to its services and special meetings. It will be a great source of strength and protection for you in these last days.

5. Let the Lord be your constant “Partner.” Jesus Christ promises you that He “will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5b). Keep a strong fellowship with the Lord, and you will be so filled with Him that you will never have a hunger so deep that you would get into a bad relationship that could cause you hurt and pain.

Yours for Never Getting Hurt,
Papa

P.T. (Power Thoughts):

“It is often hard to bear the tears that we ourselves have caused.” —Marcel Proust

“On the sands of life sorrow treads heavily, and leaves a print time cannot wash away.”
—Henry Neele

“Never let the hand you hold, hold you down.” —Author Unknown

BIBLE GEM: “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” —Hebrews 13:4

TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, Give me wisdom and understanding in the relationships that I choose. Help me to always keep a great, fruitful, loving relationship with You, and to never forget that You are my constant Partner. Protect me from getting hurt and from falling into meaningless relationships. In Jesus’ magnificent name. Amen.

BOOK: Falling in Love with Jesus: Abandoning Yourself to the Greatest Romance of Your Life, by Dee Brestin & Kathy Troccoli

CHECK IT OUT: http://www.deebrestin.com

——————–

Fixate on your relationship with God above all others. Make Him your best friend by staying in constant communion with Him and you will never be alone. This is the #1 piece of advice that, if heeded, will prevent you from engaging in harmful relationships—romantic or otherwise. It is advice that cannot be stressed enough. Understand that no one cares for you like the Lord—not father or mother, sister or brother, or a good boyfriend or husband. No matter how much they love you within their human capacity, they can step out of your life at any moment through death. Now, as the Eurythmics sang in their 1983 hit song Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This): “Everybody’s looking for something; Some of them want to use you; Some of them want to get used by you; Some of them want to abuse you; Some of them want to be abused.” Daughters, your life is too precious and sacred to amass unnecessary heartbreak by selling yourself short by giving away your heart to somebody who only wants to use your body and perhaps even abuse your mental. Life is simply too short to limp through under the weight of losing relationships. With the Lord as your life “Partner”, you can live above the influence of this world full of users and abusers. For further encouragement, here are some quotes from Pastor Michael Todd’s book, Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex:

“[I]t’s important to see how our relationship with God should come first and above all other relationships. It’s the relationship, our ultimate relationship, and all blessings flow out of that relationship. In fact, one of those blessings is that He enables us to do our other relationships at their highest possible level. When we put God first, He’ll bless the rest.”

“If you wouldn’t marry the person, don’t go out with him.”

“[D]on’t go looking for others to give you what only God can—your purpose. Look only to God for that. And trust Him to bring people into your life who can push you ahead and whom you can push ahead in His plans.”

“Challenge [yourself] to take some time to really think about your individuality and your special calling in life as you’re praying and thinking about what you’re going to aim for in your relationships. … The truth is, having a goal without aim is senseless, but having a goal without God is pointless.”

“These are a few rules for the road so you don’t get in an accident on the journey. Set a curfew. Every date needs an ending time. Decide that one of you is always going to go home at midnight or whatever other time you agree on. What’s a no go for touch? Maybe it’s hugs that last longer than thirty seconds. Or French kissing. Or whatever. Know the triggers that could take you all the way to sex. What else would help? Maybe you’ll agree not to watch movies with sex scenes in them. Or not to send each other notes or texts that are too suggestive. A lot of couples agree to never chill in a horizontal position (lying down on a couch or bed), only in a vertical position.”

“‘Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people’ (verse 15). Your dating relationships should be able to shine. And that will make it easier for the whole rest of your relational life to shine too.”

“If you find a God-loving spouse who’s a good match for you, he can help you win the race of life God has put in front of you, and you can help him win his. But if the person you’re dating is consistently weighing you down or holding you back now, he’ll still be holding you back if you get married. Be patient and have grace, but if things don’t change, you’ve got to go—better to call it off sooner than later.”

——————–

In the next class, we will begin our study, “How Not to Become a Victim.”

—LET’S PRAY—

***

Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then, especially in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.

First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.

Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.

God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.

The Ramp to the Highway of Success Course for Young Women #89

Welcome to Class 89 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.

I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.

Today, we will continue our study, “HOW TO THINK LIKE A MAN YET BE ALL WOMAN” (Letter Thirty-One).

— First, Let’s Pray —

Allow me to begin with a quote from Dolly Parton. She said: “You know, I look like a woman but I think like a man. And in this world of business, that has helped me a lot. Because by the time they think that I don’t know what’s goin’ on, I then got the money and am gone.”

Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:

——————–

Dear Daughters and YBW:

Years ago, long before you were born, James Brown sang a song entitled “It’s A Man’s World”. Thankfully, it is not a man’s world. Rather, it is God’s world, and men, women, and children have their part to play in it. Women are just as important as men, but they do have their role to play in God’s world. James Brown was a little bit off, but not too far off.

Contrary to what the feminists of our society would tell you, God did put men on earth to be leaders, and to fulfill their role as protectors and providers. The women that men like to be around the most are those dear women who have the uncanny ability to think like a man, yet be all woman. These women have the special ability to appreciate a man as he is, without trying to change that man to be more like them. They can relish in a man’s world without feeling slighted or ignored.

Here are some of the traits that I have seen in this kind of woman:

1. This special woman knows that one of the greatest needs of a man is respect, and she is wise enough to know that if she gives him that respect, she gets the things that she wants such as: love, affection, attention, and anything else.

2. This special woman knows how to come near her husband and snuggle with him while he is watching the Super Bowl game, be quiet, enjoy it, and have all of the food and drinks ready. She knows how to get her pleasure by just being with him. She is also feminine enough to know when to leave the room when there are a bunch of guys visiting to watch the game as well, and she doesn’t get an attitude about it. She enjoys being a woman, and she wants her man to be a man.

3. This special woman understands that men think in a straightforward manner, and she sees this as a gift from God to solve problems quicker, and she doesn’t get offended
by it. She, therefore, provides information to her husband about problems, bills, etc., in a straightforward, orderly fashion, the way he wants to receive it and not the way she naturally wants to give it.

4. This special woman knows that men like for you to express your feelings, desires, and needs in a concrete, straightforward, and truthful manner instead of him being forced to try to guess and figure out what you want or need. Dear sister, no matter how much you want your knight in shining armor to be able to know everything there is about you, he is not a mind reader. You must communicate and tell him what you want and what you like.

5. This special woman knows that men desire sex more than women do, and she takes good care of that business. So instead of you, dear sister, being sickened by this thought, prepare yourself to satisfy your husband’s needs in this area. If you are not really in the mood, or even if you don’t get much physical satisfaction from the episode, your satisfaction comes from satisfying him. You say, sometimes when he is in the mood, I suddenly get a headache. I say, take an aspirin and keep moving. Don’t play games in this area. There has been many a sister who has lost a good man to another woman who knew how to take care of him in this area.

I can go on and on. Men love women who can think like them, while at the same time be all woman because to some degree, it is a man’s world — but without you, it wouldn’t be any fun.

Blessings,
Papa

P.T. (Power Thoughts):

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” —Martin Luther

“If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.” —Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

BIBLE GEM: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” —I Corinthians 7:3

TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, Give me the ability to understand how a man thinks, but be all woman for your glory. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

BOOK: The Power of Being a Woman: Mastering the Art of Femininity, by Michelle McKinney Hammond

CHECK IT OUT: http://www.biblicalwomanhoodonline.org

——————–

In Matthew 10:16, Jesus tells the twelve disciples to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves as He sends them out into the world to spread the Gospel. This speaks to the necessity of cunning and innocence while operating in sinful surroundings. While His command may have been directed to believers in a different context, similarly, as a young woman trying to survive and thrive in the evil world in which we live, learning to “think like a man” in some capacity is essentially all about being wise and outsmarting people (particularly unscrupulous men) who only want to use you and not give you what you need or deserve in return. This fatherly advice to “think like a man” is not about manipulation or trying to get you to be something or someone you were not created to be. Instead, thinking like a man can enable you to get ahead in life without being messed over and get more of what you want–the good stuff–out of life with greater success. It is like unlocking an opponent’s gameplan. Based on the chapter text, jot down a few strategies you have learned for how to win with men and in the world in general while staying true to yourself.

——————–

In the next class, we will begin our study, “How to Win at Relationships (and Never Get Hurt).”

—LET’S PRAY—

***

Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then, especially in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.

First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.

Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.

God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.

Class 88 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women

Welcome to Class 88 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.

I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.

Today, we will continue our study, “HOW TO AVOID DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” (Letter Thirty).

— First, Let’s Pray —

Allow me to begin with a quote from T.D. Jakes. He said: “Abuse means you are being used in a way you were not designed to be used.”

Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:

——————–

Before you get married, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit http://www.ndvh.org for more warning signs.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED TO KEEP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM EVER HAPPENING

YBW, let me remind you that the young black men of today are not your grandfather or even your father. The young black men of today are simply not going to put up with any disrespect from their woman. It is true that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances, period. However, some women can bring this type of harmful activity upon themselves by not applying the Word of God, wisdom, and common sense to the marital relationship. Below are some common sense things that you can do to avoid having anything close to domestic violence happening in your home, assuming that you married a God-fearing, decent man in the first place:

1. Do not lie to your husband about anything, past, present, or future. There is no sense in lying to the person that you are married to, or to anyone else for that matter, but especially to your own husband. Lying will destroy the foundation of your marriage faster than anything. So, be honest about everything.

2. Dear sister, if you have a problem with wandering eyes and you just can’t control yourself when a handsome man gets within eye-shot, then you might need to get some spiritual healing in that area before you get married. One thing you do not want to do in front of your husband or husband to be is look at other men. That is disrespectful to him and the Bible tells us that “jealousy is the rage of a man”. And please don’t do this passive-aggressive nonsense of being vindictive and trying to get back at your husband by making him jealous because you had a disagreement or something. Many women have gone to a premature grave for doing silly things like that. You shouldn’t do this at all, but if you just have to look at another man, have enough sense to do it when your husband is not around. I know this may sound petty to you, but the name of the game is don’t do anything to disrespect your husband.

3. May I encourage you not to disrespect your husband in front of your family or in front of your girlfriends, and definitely don’t disrespect him in front of his buddies. Depending on his makeup, he might be able to take a little bit of your mouthing off and showing out at home with just you and the children there, but he is not going to take your embarrassing him in front of other people. And for common sense’s sake, don’t go around telling your family and friends all of your business that goes on in your house because this is another point that may get his ire up and may cause him to go off on you.

4. This may sound like a no-brainer to you, but do not commit adultery in any way, shape, form or fashion. If you are ever tempted to commit adultery, run—don’t walk—away from it. This is a sure cause for domestic violence. Society has it backwards, but when you get married, you are to be married until “death do you part.” This means that no one or nothing should come between the two of you. Again, let me repeat, you may be married to the strong, silent type, but “jealousy is still the rage of a man”.

5. There are other ways that women show disrespect to their husbands that seem small to them, but are very irritating to men. Here are the big five: (1) talking back to him when he’s trying to tell you something; (2) talking back while he is trying to tell you something (we all know women can think and talk faster than men); (3) rolling the eyes; (4) smirking; (5) cursing and calling your husband names. You don’t have to respond to everything that he does or says. Be a woman who respects and loves her husband despite his faults or failures, and be Christ-like in your response. The Bible, in fact, tells you in 1 Peter 3:4: “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” This is not about being a doormat. This is about being smart.

6. Please understand that the way God has wired you as a woman is that your satisfaction comes from satisfying your husband and your family. God did not give him to you just for him to please you. You are to please him as well. Make sure you do your part. The older women will tell you that it really doesn’t take much to please a man. If you don’t know how to please a man, you better ask somebody. But as a man, I can assure you that it doesn’t take much. If you have been married to your husband for just a little while, God will give you the ability and the instincts to know what your husband wants and needs. Don’t let the devil tempt you into thinking that you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. Do not fight these instincts, and do not act as though you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. You know! Don’t sit in your house and not meet your husband’s needs, and think that he is going to be all you need for him to be. Honey, this is a two-way street. Yes, God expects that man to be “all that” to you, but God also expects you to be “all that” to him.

7. Understand that men are very serious about their food. Food is not just a necessity to a man, it is an event. It is something that he looks forward to. So, don’t make an issue out of his food. Don’t burn his food. Make sure his food is prepared on time, whether you do the cooking or not. Make sure it is done in a sanitary fashion, meaning, for example, that you wash your hands before you touch his food. Most men are very funny about how people prepare their food. Dear sister, you can probably eat a little something and keep on moving, but a man cherishes a good meal and takes it seriously. You can avoid a lot of trouble in your marriage by making sure this area is taken care of.

8. If you have children, take care of your children. Do your part in raising, teaching, loving, and caring for them as their mother. There are some things that your husband will do with the children that you will not and cannot do. But he will appreciate it if you fulfill your part as their mother. Now let me emphasize something here, nothing will get a father and/or husband more upset than if he sees his children being neglected and/mistreated by their own mother. Not being a loving, caring, and doting mother over his children will get you in a lot of trouble real fast.

9. If you are a Christian young lady, God has commanded you to submit to your husband and God has also commanded you to obey your husband. Ephesians 5:22 states: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Titus 2:5 states: “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Now, if you want to be obedient to God, go ahead and have this kind of attitude and spirit and do this, and you can avoid a whole lot of pain and heartache in your marriage and in your family. I told my wife before we got married that we were going to do this thing called marriage “God’s way or no way,” and what I meant by that is: God is holding me accountable, and I am holding her accountable to doing it His way. And when we do it God’s way, we have peace and tranquility in our homes. When we cease to do itGod’s way, we bring problems and trouble in our homes, and sad to say, even domestic violence.

10. Finally, dear sister, take care of business in the bedroom cheerfully and willingly, and “by any means necessary.” Enough said!

Daughters and YBW, if you claim to be a Christian, act like a Christian, and go ahead and stop trying to do marriage your way, and do it God’s way and save yourself a whole lot of heartache and trouble. I hope that you will take the above suggestions in the loving spirit in which they were written.

Daughters and YBW, domestic violence is a choice. Many people choose to have drama like this in their marriages, because of simply wanting to do things their way and not God’s way. No, a man should never hit a woman, but a woman should never provoke a situation that would cause a man to hit her or to abuse her in the first place. Contrary to society, this is a two-way street. But you can avoid domestic violence and the pain that comes with it, if you just do the things listed above, in your marriage. I assure you that your marriage and family will be a happy one if you do these things.

As a final note, dear sister, if you are doing God’s will and you are doing your part, but you are still in a relationship that is violent, then I strongly encourage you to run to safety as fast as you can—to a battered women’s shelter or some other organization like that, where the batterer can’t get to you. Again, here is the number to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

May God Bless You and Keep You,
Papa

P.T. (Power Thoughts):

“I really don’t think…you are in a bargaining position with God. He is the Master. He is the Commanding Officer. It is not for you to have input. It is simply for you to accept the orders as the orders are given.” —Elisabeth Elliot

“Obedience is the road to freedom, humility the road to pleasure, unity the road to personality.” —C.S. Lewis

BIBLE GEM: “Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God.” —III John 1:11

TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, I pray that You would protect me from getting into a marriage that is characterized by violence and whenI get married to a good, God-fearing man, help me to love my husband and be the wife and mother You would have me to be. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

BOOK: He Loves Me Not, but I Love Myself, by Tamika Johnson-Hall

Women Who Perpetrate Relationship Violence: Moving Beyond Political Correctness, by Michelle Carney & Fred Buttell

CHECK IT OUT: http://www.ccada.org

In the next class, we will begin our study, “How to Think Like a Man, Yet Be All Woman.”

—LET’S PRAY—

***

Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then, especially in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.

First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.

Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.

God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.

Class 87 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women

Welcome to Class 87 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.

I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.

Today, we will begin our study, “HOW TO AVOID DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” (Letter Thirty).

— First, Let’s Pray —

Allow me to begin with a quote from June Hunt. She said: “God designed the marriage relationship to benefit one another. He intended married couples to love, honor, and cherish each other all the days of their lives, but life doesn’t always turn out that way. In some relationships, cruelty has replaced the sacred relationship defined by God. The Domestic Violence mini-book, Domestic Violence: Assault on a Woman’s Worth (part of the Hope for the Heart series), outlines a Christian approach to help you identify and stop physical and emotional abuse. Experts estimate that 1-in-3 women suffer from some form of violence from a husband, boyfriend, or relative. In too many homes around the world, the marriage bond has become bondage – shared lives have become shattered by abuse. Yet these secret assaults stay hidden from the outside world. Any form of abuse is a flagrant violation of the marriage vows, To have and to hold from this day forward, “to love and to cherish, ’til death do us part.” And although such abuse is too frequently behind closed doors, it is blatantly in the open before the eyes of the Lord. God has a heart for those who are victims of domestic violence. He wants you to know that he hears your cries; he thinks you are worthy of love without violence, and he holds you in the palm of his hand.”

Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:

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Dear Daughters & YBW:

I trust that you are doing well today. I hope that you are growing in the Lord and living a victorious life.

Today, I want to write to you about domestic violence and how you can avoid it. Men are definitely at fault in most cases of domestic violence. As we learned in elementary school, boys should not hit girls—a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances. But contrary to popular belief, women are oftentimes at fault by provoking the man. Some women provoke a negative response from their husbands inadvertently, because they do not know how to deal with a man, probably because they never had a father in the home to teach them or they never had a mother, older sister or older woman to teach them how to handle a man. However, some women intentionally provoke their husbands by pushing buttons that they know will cause a negative reaction.

Dear sister, never think that domestic violence is a normal way of life,and it should not occur in any relationship, especially in a Christian family relationship. Here are some things that you can do, as a young woman, to make sure that you do not end up in a relationship like this. I am going to deal with this issue from two standpoints: (1) Do not marry a man who is prone to violence in the first place, and (2) If God blesses you with a good man, here are some things you should do, and should not do, so as not to provoke him to negative behaviour. So, please listen carefully and take heed to the following:

DO NOT MARRY A MAN PRONE TO VIOLENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE

1. Do not marry a man who does not have a decent, loving relationship with his own mother. It has been said that the way a man treats and responds to his mother, is the way he will treat and respond to his wife. On the other hand, do not marry a man who is too close to his mother, because that can be another problem. He may become abusive because he’s a mama’s boy and he will try to defend his mother in many instances.

2. Do not marry a man who is a dawg. As I said before a dawg is heartless and oftentimes he does not even have the capacity to treat you the way that you should be treated. No matter what you do for a dawggish man it won’t be enough, and he will not care anything about you. He will use you for sex and for his own gratification and then leave you.

3. Do not marry a man who lets you have your way all of the time. If a man lets you have your way all of the time while you are dating, then once you get into that marriage, the man will try to be nice about the things that he really doesn’t like, but on the inside the anger and frustration builds. Then, he gets to a point where he explodes, and violence breaks out. Please understand that minor disagreements and differences of opinion are normal between a man and a woman. Don’t be surprised if you have disagreements and differences. That is healthy because it gives him and you a way to vent and share things that you don’t like.

4. Do not marry a man who does not have a life before you. In other words, if a man’s life starts the day he meets you or the day he marries you, then you are already on the fast track to trouble, because he is not living for something bigger than the two of you, and therefore, he doesn’t have a cause to live for to take up some of his time besides you. You may think you want to be the center of a man’s attention, but you really don’t want that. Deep down, you really want a man who has God at the center of his attention and who is going somewhere.

5. Do not marry a man with a violent criminal background. It is true that change is possible for many people after they have gotten into trouble. But, you might want to reconsider marrying a man who has a record of violent criminal activity. Marrying a man of excitement is one thing, but marrying a convicted ax murderer is another.

6. Do not marry a man who hates everybody in your family, and who does not want you to have any contact with your family members. If you marry a man who is like this, he is setting you up so that you won’t have anyone to go to when he does something violent to you. Make sure that your family is okay with him and he is okay with your family before you marry him.

7. Do not marry a man who is aggressive with you before marriage. If he is violent toward you before you get married, he will definitely be that way once you are married and more so.

If you want to avoid this thing called domestic violence, please take heed to the aforementioned points and not marry that kind of man in the first place. The above statements only represent some of the signs that he will be that way. There are other signs. Before you get married, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit http://www.ndvh.org for more warning signs.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED TO KEEP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM EVER HAPPENING

YBW, let me remind you that the young black men of today are not your grandfather or even your father. The young black men of today are simply not going to put up with any disrespect from their woman. It is true that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances, period. However, some women can bring this type of harmful activity upon themselves by not applying the Word of God, wisdom, and common sense to the marital relationship. Below are some common sense things that you can do to avoid having anything close to domestic violence happening in your home, assuming that you married a God-fearing, decent man in the first place:

1. Do not lie to your husband about anything, past, present, or future. There is no sense in lying to the person that you are married to, or to anyone else for that matter, but especially to your own husband. Lying will destroy the foundation of your marriage faster than anything. So, be honest about everything.

2. Dear sister, if you have a problem with wandering eyes and you just can’t control yourself when a handsome man gets within eye-shot, then you might need to get some spiritual healing in that area before you get married. One thing you do not want to do in front of your husband or husband to be is look at other men. That is disrespectful to him and the Bible tells us that “jealousy is the rage of a man”. And please don’t do this passive-aggressive nonsense of being vindictive and trying to get back at your husband by making him jealous because you had a disagreement or something. Many women have gone to a premature grave for doing silly things like that. You shouldn’t do this at all, but if you just have to look at another man, have enough sense to do it when your husband is not around. I know this may sound petty to you, but the name of the game is don’t do anything to disrespect your husband.

3. May I encourage you not to disrespect your husband in front of your family or in front of your girlfriends, and definitely don’t disrespect him in front of his buddies. Depending on his makeup, he might be able to take a little bit of your mouthing off and showing out at home with just you and the children there, but he is not going to take your embarrassing him in front of other people. And for common sense’s sake, don’t go around telling your family and friends all of your business that goes on in your house because this is another point that may get his ire up and may cause him to go off on you.

4. This may sound like a no-brainer to you, but do not commit adultery in any way, shape, form or fashion. If you are ever tempted to commit adultery, run—don’t walk—away from it. This is a sure cause for domestic violence. Society has it backwards, but when you get married, you are to be married until “death do you part.” This means that no one or nothing should come between the two of you. Again, let me repeat, you may be married to the strong, silent type, but “jealousy is still the rage of a man”.

5. There are other ways that women show disrespect to their husbands that seem small to them, but are very irritating to men. Here are the big five: (1) talking back to him when he’s trying to tell you something; (2) talking back while he is trying to tell you something (we all know women can think and talk faster than men); (3) rolling the eyes; (4) smirking; (5) cursing and calling your husband names. You don’t have to respond to everything that he does or says. Be a woman who respects and loves her husband despite his faults or failures, and be Christ-like in your response. The Bible, in fact, tells you in 1 Peter 3:4: “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” This is not about being a doormat. This is about being smart.

6. Please understand that the way God has wired you as a woman is that your satisfaction comes from satisfying your husband and your family. God did not give him to you just for him to please you. You are to please him as well. Make sure you do your part. The older women will tell you that it really doesn’t take much to please a man. If you don’t know how to please a man, you better ask somebody. But as a man, I can assure you that it doesn’t take much. If you have been married to your husband for just a little while, God will give you the ability and the instincts to know what your husband wants and needs. Don’t let the devil tempt you into thinking that you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. Do not fight these instincts, and do not act as though you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. You know! Don’t sit in your house and not meet your husband’s needs, and think that he is going to be all you need for him to be. Honey, this is a two-way street. Yes, God expects that man to be “all that” to you, but God also expects you to be “all that” to him.

7. Understand that men are very serious about their food. Food is not just a necessity to a man, it is an event. It is something that he looks forward to. So, don’t make an issue out of his food. Don’t burn his food. Make sure his food is prepared on time, whether you do the cooking or not. Make sure it is done in a sanitary fashion, meaning, for example, that you wash your hands before you touch his food. Most men are very funny about how people prepare their food. Dear sister, you can probably eat a little something and keep on moving, but a man cherishes a good meal and takes it seriously. You can avoid a lot of trouble in your marriage by making sure this area is taken care of.

8. If you have children, take care of your children. Do your part in raising, teaching, loving, and caring for them as their mother. There are some things that your husband will do with the children that you will not and cannot do. But he will appreciate it if you fulfill your part as their mother. Now let me emphasize something here, nothing will get a father and/or husband more upset than if he sees his children being neglected and/mistreated by their own mother. Not being a loving, caring, and doting mother over his children will get you in a lot of trouble real fast.

9. If you are a Christian young lady, God has commanded you to submit to your husband and God has also commanded you to obey your husband. Ephesians 5:22 states: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Titus 2:5 states: “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Now, if you want to be obedient to God, go ahead and have this kind of attitude and spirit and do this, and you can avoid a whole lot of pain and heartache in your marriage and in your family. I told my wife before we got married that we were going to do this thing called marriage “God’s way or no way,” and what I meant by that is: God is holding me accountable, and I am holding her accountable to doing it His way. And when we do it God’s way, we have peace and tranquility in our homes. When we cease to do itGod’s way, we bring problems and trouble in our homes, and sad to say, even domestic violence.

10. Finally, dear sister, take care of business in the bedroom cheerfully and willingly, and “by any means necessary.” Enough said!

Daughters and YBW, if you claim to be a Christian, act like a Christian, and go ahead and stop trying to do marriage your way, and do it God’s way and save yourself a whole lot of heartache and trouble. I hope that you will take the above suggestions in the loving spirit in which they were written.

Daughters and YBW, domestic violence is a choice. Many people choose to have drama like this in their marriages, because of simply wanting to do things their way and not God’s way. No, a man should never hit a woman, but a woman should never provoke a situation that would cause a man to hit her or to abuse her in the first place. Contrary to society, this is a two-way street. But you can avoid domestic violence and the pain that comes with it, if you just do the things listed above, in your marriage. I assure you that your marriage and family will be a happy one if you do these things.

As a final note, dear sister, if you are doing God’s will and you are doing your part, but you are still in a relationship that is violent, then I strongly encourage you to run to safety as fast as you can—to a battered women’s shelter or some other organization like that, where the batterer can’t get to you. Again, here is the number to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

May God Bless You and Keep You,
Papa

P.T. (Power Thoughts):

“I really don’t think…you are in a bargaining position with God. He is the Master. He is the Commanding Officer. It is not for you to have input. It is simply for you to accept the orders as the orders are given.” —Elisabeth Elliot

“Obedience is the road to freedom, humility the road to pleasure, unity the road to personality.” —C.S. Lewis

BIBLE GEM: “Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God.” —III John 1:11

TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, I pray that You would protect me from getting into a marriage that is characterized by violence and whenI get married to a good, God-fearing man, help me to love my husband and be the wife and mother You would have me to be. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

BOOK: He Loves Me Not, but I Love Myself, by Tamika Johnson-Hall

Women Who Perpetrate Relationship Violence: Moving Beyond Political Correctness, by Michelle Carney & Fred Buttell

CHECK IT OUT: http://www.ccada.org

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It is nothing new to say that “Domestic violence is WRONG.” However, in a world where statistics show so many women still suffer from domestic violence in silence and shame, it seems this statement can hardly be stressed enough. Clearly, some men are prone to violence and manipulation. This is why God commands husbands to love their wives, just as He commands wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). Despite what you may have witnessed growing up and/or experienced, don’t allow your mind to normalize domestic violence and trauma. You do not deserve to be used and abused. You are precious in the sight of God and if a man does not see you in the same way and treat you as such at all times then he does not deserve you and you do not need to be with him, and vice versa. Having a man’s love is not worth having if it comes with a side of physical violence and emotional, psychological and spiritual scarring. Never confuse violence with love and don’t let other people in Christian circles convince you that being abused, violated and treated like some sort of slave is part of your duty of submission as a godly wife. A husband does not have the right or liberty to mistreat and trample upon his wife just because he is the God-ordained “head” of the home and his wife has the divine order to submit to his headship or leadership. Sinful human nature will always try to twist God’s plan for things in one way or another when, in this case, abuse and violence have no part in God’s design for marriage and family and relationships in general. Is a man beating his wife or girlfriend and giving her a black eye an accurate depiction of Christ loving the church and giving (sacrificing) himself for it (Ephesians 5:25)? Is a man berating his wife or girlfriend, demeaning her and isolating her a picture of the abundant life Christ came to give (John 10:10)? Certainly not. So, before you embark on a new relationship with a potential mate or before you continue in the relationship you may be currently involved in, look for the warning signs of domestic abuse and flee before the vicious cycle can even begin to form.

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In the next class, we will begin our study, “How to Think Like a Man, Yet Be All Woman.”

—LET’S PRAY—

***

Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then, especially in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.

First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.

Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.

God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.

Class 86 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women.

Welcome to Class 86 of “The Ramp” to the Highway of Success course for young women. I am Daniel Whyte III, president of Gospel Light Society, working in partnership with the Martin Luther King Senior Institute for Young Men & Young Women. The Institute aims to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Sr., commonly referred to as “Daddy King”, whom God used to raise the great leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Our purpose is to guide young men and young women, and help them get on the path to becoming kings and queens for the glory of God.

I am your instructor for this course and the author of the ESSENCE Magazine bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Men” and the national bestselling book “Letters to Young Black Women.” My wife, Meriqua Whyte, and my eldest daughter, Daniella Whyte, co-authored “Letters to Young Black Women” with me. My daughter (who has two bachelor’s degrees in psychology and religion and a master’s degree in human services counseling—executive leadership and a second master’s degree in developmental psychology) and her mother, developed the Study Guide. We are using Letters to Young Black Women and its study guide to guide you through this course. This course is for all young women, but especially for young black women and young women of color who oftentimes face disadvantages that others do not. The goal of this class is to help you operate from a position of strength and power based upon the Word of God so you can be victorious in life. My prayer is that this class will empower you to win against your enemies: the devil, sorry men, and even yourself.

Today, we will begin our study, “THE KIND OF MAN YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY” (Letter Twenty-Nine).

— First, Let’s Pray —

Allow me to begin with a quote from Voddie Baucham, Jr, author of What He Must Be…If He Wants to Marry My Daughter. He said: “[If he wants to marry my daughter] he’s got to be a guy who loves Christ. He has to be a guy who understands how to lead [like Christ]. He’s got to be a guy who understands that marriage is the priority in a family relationship. He’s got to be a guy who loves kids and is ready to have kids. He’s got to understand his role as priest, prophet, provider, and protector [the four “P’s”] in his home.”

Now, please pull out your text and your digital study guide or follow along on the screen. First, I will read a portion of the corresponding letter from the book, Letters to Young Black Women. Then we will proceed with this lesson:

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Dear Daughters & YBW:

As you know, there is much questioning, particularly in the church, about who can find a virtuous woman. An equally important question, one that is in the Bible as well but that is not mentioned much, is found in Proverbs 20:6: “…A faithful man who can find?”

In this day and time, the truth of the matter is that there are not many virtuous women, and there are not many faithful men either, and that leads me to the kind of man you should not marry:

• Don’t marry a man who is not a Christian, a man who does not love God or fear God. For if you marry a man who neither knows God or fears God, you and your marriage are in a world of trouble. The Word of God clearly states in II Corinthians 6:14: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” You had better ask the question on that new book entitled, He May Be Fine But Is He Saved? If you violate the verse above, you will have hell to pay. Mark my words.

• Don’t marry a dawg because dawgs have no heart (See Letters 22 & 23).

• Don’t marry an unfaithful man. In other words, don’t marry a man who is unfaithful to God, unfaithful to his church, and unfaithful to you. A faithful man is hard to find, but if God blesses you with one, you have a blessing indeed.

• Don’t marry a deadbeat. Please don’t marry a man who is lazy, who is listless, and who has no drive nor purpose in life. Marry a man who is about something, and who is going somewhere because if he is going somewhere, he’ll take you with him. Marry a man with a dream and a vision.

• Don’t marry a wimp. Don’t marry a weak, effeminate man who cannot think and do independently of you. Why? Because within a few weeks you are going to get tired of doing his job and your job too. Frankly, you will get bored with him.

• Don’t marry a broke man. Here’s the rule you should follow — whether you choose to work or not, all household bills, including your car note, should be paid out of his money. Your check should not be depended upon to take care of the household.

And, by the way, don’t bring the following young men home either:

• A young man with more gold in his mouth than he has in his pocket.
• A young man with his cap on backwards and an earring in his ear.
• A young man with no car.
• A young man that I have to help get a job.
• A young man with a lowrider car that bounces up and down.
• A young man without a college degree.
• A young man who does not come from a good family.
• A young man with braids in his hair and his pants hanging off his behind.

You get my drift? These jokers won’t make it in the Whyte House, so don’t bring them here.

If you marry, marry a saved, strong, faithful man that you can respect, love, and on whom you can depend.

Marry Well,
Papa

P.T. (Power Thoughts):

“Even if marriages are made in Heaven, man has to be responsible for the maintenance.” —Dr. James Dobson

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” —Mignon McLaughlin

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” —Doug Larson

BIBLE GEM: “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” —I Corinthians 13:13

TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, Please protect me from marrying the wrong man. If it is Your will for me to get married, please bless me with the man that You want me to have. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

BOOK: The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

CHECK IT OUT: http://www.family.com

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You may have heard the saying, “You don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.” Young ladies, simply desiring a Christian husband is not enough. If you want a godly man to be your husband, be a godly woman. If you want a faithful man to be your husband, be a virtuous woman. If you want a man of purpose to be your husband, be a woman of purpose. If you live by low standards, don’t expect to attract people—certainly not a mate—of high standards. Before wondering ‘Where’s my Boaz?’, become a Ruth. If you want to meet an Isaac, make sure you are a Rebekah. Outside of extraordinary circumstances, you will draw into your life circle people who align with your values based on how you carry yourself. Of course, this approach is not altogether foolproof, meaning it does not 100% ensure that you will meet and marry a godly, successful man. Many good girls and first-class women have been messed over by guys who, on the surface, seemed to be on par with their love for the Lord, outward success, etc, but who were secretly living a double life. Once the woman is deceived into marrying him, the fairytale falls apart. So, make sure that you regularly pray to God for guidance before making a decision on who to marry if this is the desire of your heart. And trust Him when he speaks.

Here are more points to consider on this subject from Holding Hands and Holding Hearts by Richard and Sharon Phillips: “A Christian woman is to seek a man who is: 1. Regular at church… A believing man who often cannot make time to faithfully attend and to be a contributing member of a church is not a likely candidate for the obligations and challenges of marriage. 2. A man of the Word of God, a man of prayer, and a man who delights in worship. 3. A man after God’s own heart. 4. [A possessor of] specific character traits [such as] industry… integrity…self-control…[and] kindness. …A redeemed woman is one who has entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ through faith. Her sins are forgiven, and she knows God’s love. She fears the Lord realizing that blessing for her comes through obedience to His Word. His commands are not burdensome to her and her heart is not set on worldly treasures. She attends regular worship and approaches her life with prayer. She enjoys healthy fellowship with other believers and bears observable fruit in ministry to others. She answers God’s calling in her life while single, not waiting for marriage to give her happiness or purpose. …Take a look, then, at what you are presenting to men and ask what kind of man you will attract. If you are relying on charm and outward beauty, setting them forth in your dress and flirtatious conduct, then realize that it is only the foolish man who will fall into your trap. Especially if you are loud or contentious, realize that the Bible specifically warns men against falling for you. The godly man, the man who will make a loving and faithful husband, sees you and turns away. How much better for you to trust the Lord and cultivate those spiritual beauties that are calculated to draw a man of godly character and real wisdom and, better still, that are certain to make you precious in the sight of our loving Lord and God. …What matters most is not finding the one right person but becoming the person that God wants you to be. Before judging the man or woman you are with – scrutinizing and appraising every attribute and characteristic, as if you were buying a horse – you ought instead to scrutinize your own heart. Here are some questions to ask before an engagement to marriage:

1. What would it mean for me to love him or her in accordance with the Bible’s teaching?

2. Am I willing to commit myself to anyone “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?”

3. Can I be steadfast in fidelity and servant-hearted in ministry?

4. Is God leading our lives in similar directions?

5. Do we have similar goals and ideas about children?

The issue is not whether you can find someone worthy of your love, but whether you are ready to give a love that is worthy of marriage.”

Take some time now to honestly evaluate who you are as a woman and what you are advertising to the world with your conduct in anticipation of marrying a good and godly man.

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In the next class, we will begin our study, “How to Avoid Domestic Violence.”

—LET’S PRAY—

***

Now, like many of you, I grew up in a very religious and church-going family, and during that time, I often heard the phrase “Being Saved.” Now, much of what church people said “being saved” was back then, especially in my community, is wrong according to the Bible. I wrote an article about it titled “On ‘Being Saved’ in Black America” which is available for you to read free of charge on our website, gospellightsociety.com. Right now, I want to share with you very briefly what the Bible says “being saved” really is.

First, understand that you need to be saved because you are a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

Second, understand that a horrible punishment — eternal Hell — awaits those who are not saved. In Matthew 25:41, Jesus Christ said that God will say to those who are not saved, “depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

Third, realize that God loves you very much and wants to save you from Hell. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” If you want to be saved from Hell and be guaranteed a home in Heaven, simply believe in Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose from the dead for your sins, and then call upon Him in prayer and ask Him to save your soul. And believe me, He will.

Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” That is the most important decision you will ever make.

God bless you and keep you until we meet for our next class.